So, first thing's first, congratulations again to blusugie for winning the ANTM Cycle 11 contest!

Albeit almost 6 months late, I did finally deliver on my promise for a slightly ANTM related cross-stitch.

First, I give you a picture of what the final product should look like:





And, a picture of Lola getting jealous of all the attention this piece of paper seems to be garnering:





Ahh, back on track:





Ok, and the final product!




Not too shabby, huh? I only know so many cross-stitch cliches, though, so it was either this, or "If Tyra ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." And I didn't have enough room for that. Nor would the church really have made any sense, then. At least this cliche has the word "bless" in it somewhere, even if its usage is slightly blasphemous.

A close-up of the workmanship:





Aaaaand, one more of the cat. She's all snuggly, though.





Last, but not least, blusugie didn't want a real trophy, so she asked for a digital trophy. I'm making good on that one, too!


Here is your trophy:




That stands for "America's Next Top Predictor Of America's Next Top Models." Congratulations!


Cycle 11 is finished! On to 12!

There is so much stuff to talk about. I think it's just easier to run down the girls and discuss.

Alison: I love this girl. I wasn't always sold on her pictures, and I think she got pushed to the end based on her eyes alone, but she has such a unique look that it almost doesn't matter. She'll get work. And she was hilarious! Her awkward "you're pretty" moment with Tyra pretty much made my cycle. Or the cycle, not my cycle. That's gross. Embaarraassingg.

Aminat: If Alison made it on her eyes alone, then Aminat made it on her body alone. Which, yes, her body is perfect for modeling. Her face, apparently, isn't. I don't think I really cared for any of her pictures. Except for her CoverGirl shot, which is strangely my favorite CG shot of the three.

Celia: Possibly one of my favorite contestants of all time. She took it seriously, but she also saw the absurdity of the whole show, and she totally fed into it (Alison did , too, which is part of why she's so awesome). She was clearly a smart girl, and she was hilarious, and she just enjoyed herself. AND, I loooooove that she called Tahlia out in front of Tyra. I knew she was going to feel the wrath, but I was still glad she did it. Quitting the show was kind of en vogue for a while, but that will be passe now. It's all about telling Tyra she's a dumb ass. And on top of all that, she took some great pictures. There were a few stinkers, but overall, they were good. She had a brain, and she used it to listen and learn, which is rare on ANTM.

Fo: Fo is as cute as a button, and has the IQ of one, too. Nah, she's just really young. The stuff that she was crying over was just....junior high. "Waaaah, they cut my hair on a show that repeatedly cuts girls' hair! And it looks amazing, waaaaahh!" I mean, sure, girls have cried before. She cried for like two episodes. I liked her pictures more than I expected to, though. Yay for freckled people!

Isabella: Isabella seemed sweet, but she was the all american, nice girl that had to get cut first. That's just how the show works. I'm very sorry. But good luck! Next!

Jessica: Sometimes, Jessica looked like Elina to me. And sometimes, she came off just as arrogant. But, she's a gorgeous girl, and she got cut too early, I think. Again, though, she had a role to fill. Her role was the beautiful girl that's just. not. a model. Next!

(Sorry to be brief, but some of these girls weren't around long enough for me to care much. Try harder to amuse me next time, ladies.)

Kortnie: Here's the thing about Kortnie. She may be a hilarious person. Everyone said how hilaaaaaarious she was. I have yet to see one clip of Kortnie being entertaining in any way. Even her blase attitude bored me. She elicited no emotion from me, other than "Why are you taking up my screen?" Especially when Angelea, that chick from the semi-finals that got into it with Sandra, could have been entertaining me. She slept in a bus station for three nights, but she had enough money to get her some complicated acrylic nails? Confused....but intrigued... No, instead we got Kortnie. I hear she's hilarious.

London: Oh, I liked London! I felt so bad for her. Not to be a bitch, but she did gain a lot of weight in the span of, what? Maybe a month at most? But I did like her look. And I thought that most of the time, she could pose better than most of the girls, and knew where her cameras were. I was sad that weight gain was the reason she was eliminated. It's not like they haven't done stuff like this before, but it sucked.

Natalie: I really loathed this one. I'm sure most of it was editing, but she just got under my skin. Is it possible that she really is that superficial? Or have I just not been to California in that long? Maybe it really is that much better than the rest of the U.S., a.k.a. Hickville. And, yes, she is very pretty, but was I the only one that didn't think she was this great beauty? People kept saying that she was so gorgeous, and how perfect she was, blah blah blahgag me! I kind of liked when Aminat was in her face. It made me laugh. Well, they all made me laugh. My favorite part of that fight was how Celia and Tahlia weren't even fighting for the first 20 minutes of that nonsense. They were standing next to each other on the stairs, and they were mute. Classic stuff. Anyway, Natalie stinks.

Nijah: I liked her, she seemed like a cool person, but her pictures were blah. I was glad she went when she did, only because she was clearly the weakest link at the time, and even though she seems nice, she wasn't bringing the drama like the other girls. Namely, my girl Celia. Next!

Sandra: This girl is probably one of the stankest bitches in the history. of. America's. Next. Top. Model. I think she had a little of the crazies in her, because she would bust out with the meanest crap for no reason. That day the girls were talking in the room, and she was trying to sleep, she was unbelievably rude, more so than the situation would ever really call for. I was sad for the girls when they just slunk away like they'd been slapped. That's not how this show goes! Get in her face and yell at her! Ask Aminat how to do it.

Tahlia: I was so ready for Tahlia to go. She could have left weeks earlier, in my humble opinion. I did not like her pictures, I didn't think she was particularly pretty or charming in person, and I didn't think she looked like a model in any sense of the word. She irked me the wrong way, which is probably why I loved that Celia called her out. Childish!

Teyona: Looking back, it was pretty obvious that Teyona was going to win. It certainly seemed like she would be top two for sure, but I thought Aminat or Alison might pull it out for awhile. Toward to the of the cycle, Aminat just wasn't doing anything, but Alison was impressing people. Teyona was just consistently good. From start to finish, she only had one really bad photo (the one where they're sightseeing in New York is hideous). The rest are pretty awesome. I was surprised, though. I thought Teyona would do better on the final runway, but Alison really stepped it up. She walked too fast on her first pass, but she had attitude the rest of the way, and she was confident. I was really proud of her. Teyona did pretty well, but was stiff. Except at the end when she was whipping her weave around like she'd just taken her top off at Spring Break. Hey, if your hair falls off, you gotta do something. Might as well call as much attention to it as possible, right? Exactly.

As much as I would have liked to see Alison pull it out in the end, Teyona is definitely a deserving winner. Hopefully, she'll get some, umm, work. Here's hoping, girl!

You know, I was thinking about whether this was a good cycle, or a bad cycle. Really, I wasn't that impressed with the talent level of the group as a whole. You had a very few girls that were getting it, but a lot of them felt like they just didn't belong. When I try to guess the winner, I try to picture who I could see as a CoverGirl model. Who would take a decent CoverGirl photo? A lot of these girls, I didn't think they could do it. They just ultimately had no shot. I thought Cycles 9, 10, and even 11 a little had a lot more raw talent than this group.

But, you did have a few girls that were consistently taking great pictures. Plus, as far as entertainment value goes, these girls were much more interesting than Cycle 11's girls were. So much more drama, lots of cliques, Alison and Celia just in general; I thought it was a good cycle in that respect.

Entertainment value comes first for me, but it's so much more fun to watch when you think that at least some of the girls might have a shot at really making it, whether they win or not. Some of these girls could have limited success in certain areas, I think, but I'm not expecting miracles, here. I was entertained, though, and I wished I'd had the time and/or energy to write about it weekly, but it was not to be. Perhaps another cycle, another time.

I do know this, though. If I had as much money as Paulina, I would ask Celia to be my stylist, too.

Cycle 12 is done!


Vagina, bitches.

Nay, gentle reader, they do not.

I suppose it's time for my semi-annual blog update.

Everything's been going pretty well lately. The cat and the dog have worked out some sort of truce. They seem to get along well most of the time, except for the mornings, when they chase each other up and down the hall way for a good five minutes. They seem to be playing, though. I have yet to see any blood or actual fur flying, so I'm letting them be for now.

Apparently the bedtime situation was overlooked when writing the truce, though. The cat is slowly, very slowly, encroaching on the dog's special place at the head of the bed. Not to bore you with our sleeping arrangements, but Poncho has always gotten some extra snuggle time with me before I fall asleep. When I wake up in the mornings, though, the cat is in my face, and the dog has been relegated to curling up by my knees. I don't know what time the switch takes place, or how peaceful it is. Like I said, no flying fur, no foul.

But seriously. Literal cat IN the face. I love the smell of furry saliva in the morning.

What else is new?

Chris is coaching his nephew's little league team this year. The boys are 9 and 10, and it's really cute. Chris is having a great time. He helped out coaching last year, but this is his first time as the head honcho, and it's been great.

Oh, except for when he broke his nose at their first practice of the year. Yeah.

He's fine. He wasn't paying attention, and he walked right in the path of a ball, thrown by a kid (who is the team's new star pitcher, hilariously). So, it was a very good lesson for the team. PAY ATTENTION. It wasn't a bad break, either, so he'll be good as new in a couple more weeks.

Which, I've found that I honk Chris' nose a LOT more than I realized. I continually have to restrain myself from honking it and putting him through more agony. I honestly had no idea that was a habit of mine. Who honks someone's nose as a term of endearment, too? Me, I guess.

Is it possible to weird yourself out? I think I just did.

Ummmm, work has been insanely busy. We had another huge proposal project this year, two ships that we took over on a short-term basis, and our annual officers' conference so far, more audits on the west coast next week, and I'm so very tired. And so very tired of work. No more work talk.

I've finished applying to grad schools and all that, too. That had a lot to do with my blogging absence. I think I'm going to go with UNO, because it's waaaaay cheaper, and I can be done in two years going part-time. Plus, it's something new from Loyola. I just don't think I'm going to get $30,000 of additional education per year from Tulane, either. So, I have to get my acceptance in, but yeah. That whole thing is done, and I start in August. Holy crap, huh?

Let's see, what else?

Umm, both of the ladies in my department at work are pregnant. It is like an ice box in there. You could cut diamonds with my friggin nipples. And one is due in August, the other in September. If they are both out on maternity leave at the same time, it's going to be hell around here. I may just knock myself up on purpose to get some freaking time off.

Other babies this year: Rachelle had her baby, Miss Khloe, just three weeks ago. She's doing well, healthy but tiny. Such a cutie, too! My cousin, Kelly, also had her baby, Eleanor Joan, about a month ago, and both are doing very well. She's such a pretty baby, too. And I love that they used Joan, because that's our Grandma;s name. So sweet...

Gina is still waiting patiently for her bundle o' joy. Due in June, I think. They're going with Isabella, which I like a lot. They're calling her Izzie right now, which is apparently driving Gina's mom insane. I do like the nickname Bella better, but Izzie's cute, too.

I think that's it on the baby front for now. There are about a thousand pregnant women around here right now. We would do it, too, but you know. Everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon, so it's kind of passe. And you know my uterus only wants to be on the cutting edge of things.

What else, what else.....

Oh, I'm the 2009 Officer's Conference Bull Riding Champion. Yeah. Take that, bitches. I beat a bunch of drunken sailors in a mechanical bull riding competition, and I did it all while wearing someone else's pants. Bow to me.

I also attended a Sexual Harassment and Discrimination seminar that week, in which the presenter said the word "tits" twice. Not once, but twice. He also employed the phrase "Honk the Horns."

Yes. Yes, he did.

I wasn't so much offended as I was completely and utterly flabbergasted at his lack of self-awareness. I secretly named him Tits McGee in my head.


Oh! I almost forgot. Our company started a gym membership program!!! Huzzah!! If I go at least 100 days in a year, then they pretty much pay for my entire gym membership. I have been LOOOVING this.

It's amazing how much a regular exercise program can do for you. I feel like I have more energy throughout the day, I sleep better, I go to bed earlier, my eating habits are more regular, and I make better food choices. Plus, I feel like I don't get sick nearly as much when I'm working out regularly. That may be a total lie, but I just feel healthier all around. And it's fucking free?!?! Are you kidding? This is my favorite thing our company has done EVER. Period. Lurve it.

Bitches, I am going to look good in a bathing suit this summer if it kills me. I would say I'd post a picture of me in my swimsuit, but I'm not an idiot. I know Lydia would photoshop my swimsuit off in two seconds, and then put it above her bed, next to her NKOTB poster of Jordan.

Yeah, I've got my eye on you, lady.

Let's see, I was in Christen and Craig's wedding last month, which was such an honor. Christen was one of my roommates in college, and she's such a sweetheart. I'll see if I can scrounge up some pictures from that, since I forgot to bring my damn camera to the wedding.

I'm in another wedding in October, and I had to go try on the dress the other day. It's actually pretty similar to the other dress I had to wear, minus the color and a bit o' ruching. Here's a picture of the second one.


Well, the only thing I can really think that's left to discuss is ANTM, but that deserves its own post, don't you think? Well, I do, and that's all that matters. hah. I have lots of things to say.

OH! And tomorrow I am officially mailing the ANTM cross-stitch out to blusugie, our last contest winner! The damn thing is finally finished, I have pictures, and the envelope is addressed. It will all be addressed in the ANTM post.

Smooches. Missed you, blog.

Meet my new kitty, Lola:










Isn't she cute? A lady at my work was helping her sister find a home for this cat, and Chris said I could have a kitty! So she's mine. She's awesome, too. Really playful and snuggly.

Umm, Poncho is not very happy, though. It appears that this cat thing has cut his lap time in half, roughly. Plus, he prefers if the lap that he isn't currently sitting in remains empty. Just in case he needs an emergency lap. You know how that goes. Needless to say, he's a little pissed.

Oh, and he's deathly afraid of the cat. True, she is a little aggressive with him, and she has some pretty nasty claws, but my 8 lb. dog is scared of my 8 lb. cat. As in, so scared he will walk all the way around the room to avoid her. As in, so scared he refuses to make eye contact with her.

Funny thing, though. Despite his fear and hatred of the cat, he's started mimicking her. He know thinks it's okay to walk along the arms and the back of the sofa, something he's never done in the 6 years we've owned him.

They're actually starting to get a little more used to each other. It's only been a week, and they're not nearly as wary around each other anymore. We still have a few little tense moments, though.

Really, I knew my dog was a little wussy, but he's a bona fide lily-livered, yella-bellied chicken.

So, we have one kitty, and one pussy.

Well, I'm sure that most of you have abandoned this blog, probably sometime after I did. For the two of you that are still out there, I feel some updatedness is in order, yes? Yes.


( An actual update. Fo real. )

Well, congratulations are due to blusugie for winning the ANTM contest!

So...um, Congrats!

That was a little anti-climactic. Sorry.

It was a very close race right up to the end. Since Analeigh got kicked off in third place, there were several people left who picked Sam and/or McKey. blusugie, however, was the only person to correctly guess both the winner and the runner-up, which is pretty impressive!

Just for the sake of order, and so you can see how you did overall, here is the final spreadsheet. Click to make bigger:





deliciousdemon7 came in a close second, and last year's winner, killer_raincoat, rounded out our very own top 3. Good picks, kids. Don't worry, your time will come. Or already has, in some cases.

Another noteworthy accomplishment: deliciousdemon7 and smashionfashion both picked 4 of the models who were in the top 5, which is kind of astounding. I am impressed. If only they were in the proper order, then one of you could be planning where to hang your new cross-stitch masterpiece, instead of blusugie. Life just ain't fair, sometimes.

For a nice change of pace, though, I didn't come in last! In fact, I would have come in 4th, if my picks counted. Pretty respectable. So hah! I'm not the worst this time.

To those of you who did come in last (I won't name names, mostly because they are long names and I'm lazy, but also because I feel their pain), don't feel so bad. I've been in your shoes before. It's rough, but it doesn't have anything to do with your love for ANTM. It doesn't have anything to do with your model-predicting abilities, either. Hell, it doesn't even have anything to do with your Tyra-predicting abilities.

God just doesn't love some people.

I kid, I kid. And even if it's true, I still love you for participating in my contest. So remember who really loves you.

Barby, 1.
God, 0.

Just saying.

Thank you again to everyone who played! I hope you will think about playing next cycle, too. There will be another equally lame, home-made prize for the taking, and it could be yours!


Full recap to follow soon.



(I didn't mean it, God. Sorry.)

So, this is the last update before the finale tomorrow! Here's how everything is looking right now (click to make bigger):



So that's that! There are still a whole bunch of people that could win this, and I don't even think we have any possible ties, although I could be wrong about that. Anyway, the cross-stitch is almost done, the trophy is still in the works, and they are both still up for grabs! It could all be yours....

Good luck to everyone, and try not to take it too hard if you lose. It's disappointing, I know, but wailing and rending your garments will get you nothing except a sore throat and a public indecency charge. Ask any Saints fan. There's always next year.

Episode 12 starts off with Sam sporting a nice little Pebbles-type ponytail on the top of her head. She's also bragging about how she was called first at panel last week, and she has the picture of the week. You know, the one that is "displayed as digital art in the house" every week? AKA, Tyra's got expenses, too, yall. The economy is putting a hurtin' on everyone, and this is cheaper than having them displayed as real art.

Oh, and Tyra's just made a press release that in an effort to further cut costs, the prize for this cycle will be a slightly used digital TV, and a compact from CoverGirl. Maybe some nail polish.

( Nah, nailpolish is just frivolous. )

Well, we're down to five girls, and we all know that that means two things.

1. The ANTM contest is starting to get a little more heated, and we'll have more on that later, and

2. GO-SEES!


They almost always do go-sees when they get down to five girls, so this was a given. But they're always good for at least one meltdown, so even though you know what's going to happen, it's still kind of exciting to wait for the crash to happen.

But we all knew who it was going to be this time, didn't we? I mean, really?

( Little Miss Nervous Nelly )

ETA: I forgot to give an update on the contest like I promised! Here is the most updated spreadsheet, which shows everyone's points totals right now. Remember, if you guessed a girl correctly in the top five, but not in the right spot, you still get a point for that. So the grey squares are girls that were eliminated and are worth no points. They blue squares are girls that you picked in your top 5, but not in the correct order, and are worth one point. The yellow squares are girls that you correctly picked.

So, for example, those of you that picked Elina to be eliminated in 5th place got two points for that. Those of you that picked her to finish in any other spot got 1 point for that. Those of you that picked Marjorie to finish in fifth only get one point for her, even though she hasn't been eliminated yet.



If you have questions, or if you see a mistake, let me know. It's starting to get interesting!

Ok, kiddos. Here's a quick recap of Episode 10, and then we'll get to Episode 11. And then we'll be all caught up. Again. I sense a pattern.


( Apologies, Apologies )

Last week, I dragged Chris to Disney World to spend time with my family. As a trade off, we went to watch some football and wrestling for him. Nah, that's not true. We'd been wanting to go to a football game at Florida for a while, so it just worked out that we could squeeze that into the Disney World trip. We had a really great time.

We left Friday morning and drove to Starke, FL, where we stayed the night. We didn't do much in Starke except eat barbeque, because there's not much to do in Starke except eat barbeque.

We had to check out of our hotel at 11am the next morning, so we packed up and drove to Gainesville, where UF is located. We walked around the town by the campus, bought some Florida gear, ate a little Chipotle (why won't you come to New Orleans, Chipotle? WHY?), and checked out the campus. We had a blast soaking in the atmosphere. We found some tailgators (hah) that told us where the team would walk into the stadium with the band at 6pm, and then we found a bar with air conditioning and cold beer until then.

That sucks. It just got cool in New Orleans, and we've been having great weather, so we go further south where it's still hot as balls, and just as sweaty, too. We are brilliant.

We had a blast at the game. Florida played LSU, which is funny because they're from Louisiana. Chris hates LSU, though. So of course we ended up sitting in the middle of all the LSU fans in our Florida gear. It didn't matter too much, though, since the Gators whooped on that Tiger ass to the tune of 51-21.

After the game, we drove down to Orlando to check into our hotel at Disney World. The game didn't start until 8pm, so by the time that ended and we got of the game traffic, drove to Orlando and checked in, it was about 3am. We had to get up about 7:20 to get ready and go meet my brother, his wife, and their two kids for Epcot madness. I was so excited we were doing Epcot the first day, because it's one of my favorite parks. We also went to the Princess Lunch, with all the Disney princess characters, and my niece almost had a coronary. She was in awe.

Around 3, we all went back for a nap, and then met again for dinner. After dinner we went to the fireworks display at the Magic Kingdom, and then we snuck in a few more rides.

Monday, we went to Animal Kingdom. My brother and Chris started feeling pretty sick, so they took my nephew back to the hotel for a nap, and Caitlin, Amy and I stayed and had a blast. We pretty much did the whole park, with a few small exceptions. We stayed until about 4 and saw the big parade that goes around the tree of life, and then went back to the hotel to check on the sickies. Chris felt much better, but my brother was still kind of rough.

After dinner, we decided to all go to the pool, which was really fun. They had this awesome water slide and a hot tub, and it was sweet. Caitlin made us be a family of mermaids.

Tuesday, we didn't have passes to Disney World, because we were going to Universal Studios to watch a taping of TNA wrestline, a show that Chris watches. More on that later. So, we offered to take my nephew, Robbie, back to the pool in the morning, so that Mike and Amy could have some alone time with Caitlin, aka they wouldn't have to have a stroller all day. We took him and did our gift shopping, and took him to the pool. We had so much fun with him. He is such a sweet, smart, happy little kid. We had a great time.

Right after we got him down for a nap, Mike & Amy came back with Caitlin, so we took off and headed for Universal Studios. We had to get ther early, because the wrestling show was non-ticketed, and it was a first come, first-serve type of deal. So, we got out there, walked aroung a little, then got in line and found some frozen drinks. We stood there for about 2 hours, but it went by pretty quickly, because we were talking to everyone around us.

The show was really fun. Chris had been to a few wrestling events before, but I never had. He grew up watching wrestling, and he knows its fake and all, but he enjoys it. I watch it from time to time with him, so I know all the wrestlers and stuff, but I wasn't sure how much I would like watching it live.

It was really, really fun. I'd never been to a taping of any show, so that was pretty cool. But it's just like a male soap opera, or a big, violent melodrama. Everyone cheers and boos, and chants shit at the wrestlers. If they screw up, everyone chants, "You fucked up! You fucked up!" I had a blast, and screamed my proverbial nuts off. And even if the moves are all planned, and the hits are fake, some of the athletic shit that they do is still kind of cool.

After the show, we drove back to our hotel, eating some cheap McDonald's on the way, and then met up with Amy & Mike outside their hotel room for some drinks. The kids were inside, but Caitlin wouldn't go to sleep, so we just sat in front of their door and drank, and it was ghetto and awesome. We just chatted, and it was the only real time that the four adults got to be alone, so that was nice.

The next morning, we got up and said goodbye to the family, and then drove back to New Orleans. We picked up our puppy from Mikee and Lydia's (thanks again!), and went home to crash.

The next afternoon is when I got sick, and all that tonsil-ly goodness ensued.

Overall, we had a really great trip. There was no drama, no wrinkles in the plans, the Gators won, we got to go to Disney, and we got to send time with my family on top of that.

And now, for the pictures. I'm putting them behind a cut, because there are a lot of them. ( Click Here for Pictures )

Hah! I promised something, and I finally came through! Take that, bitches.

( I take it back, bitches. I love you. Hold me. )

Okay, I can’t have the recap up by tonight like I was hoping to, which makes me glad that I did not promise it. My husband is shooting in a dart championship tonight, and I’m going to watch his team and be supportive. I’m told that’s what most wives do.

I will, however, PROMISE to have the recap up by Friday night. I want to get that done so I can post adorable pictures from Disney World this weekend.

In another feeble attempt to placate people, though, I’m posting another update on the contest. Click to make bigger:




Interesting Stuff. After last night's elimination of Joslyn, only one person has all five of their picks left, and that is SmashionFashion, as Amie correctly pointed out in the comments. Don't worry, I don't suspect foul play. If SmashionFashion is right, and Analeigh wins this, I will eat this blog.

There are 7 other people that have four of their five picks left, but one of them is me, so that doesn't count.

If you notice, I've also added a column on the right, so that you can see the maximum possible points left for each player. Remember, that's the total number of points you would get if your picks were 100% right from here on out. If you don't remember how the scoring system works, go here.

The cross-stitch is coming along! The trophy is still in the works, so you might just have to wait until the cycle ends to see any pictures of that, but I'll try to take some cross-stitch pictures this weekend.

And now, I must go support my husband while he darts.

I never know what to say about the recap episodes. I mean, they are entirely superfluous. Every Wednesday, you can bet that my ass is glued to the couch from 7pm to 8pm. I write recaps of the show, and I read other recaps of the show. So I really don't need Tyra to tell me what's happened thus far. I think I've got it. You already have me hooked, Tyra. You win.

But, they do offer at least a couple new clips, and so I watch them anyway (you win again, Tyra). And now, as a peace offering for not posting in so long, I offer you a recap of a recap. But just be warned that I will probably be making stuff up so that I don't get bored enough to, oh I don't know, do something productive with my time.

( Misty Water Colored Memories )

Ok, I owe all of you a big apology. Nothing new. I think I do more apologizing around here than Kate Moss does cocaine. Regardless, I obviously didn't get this recap up before Chris and I left for Disney World. I had planned to post it right away when we got home, but then I got sick on Thursday. I was caught in the throes of fever, chills, aching, sore throat, and, possibly even worse, icky sick mouth. I know. It was bad.

I pretty much slept and ate popsicles all weekend. I held out for half a day at work on Monday, until Chris called around 10am.

Chris: How do you feel?
Me: Shitty. (This is how he knows I really do feel shitty, because I didn't give him a smart ass remark, like "Well, I'm miraculously better since 7 this morning. Thanks for asking.")
Chris: You know, you should really go to a doctor. Did you make an appointment yet?
Barby: No. It's probably just the flu.
Chris: What if it's not? We just went to Disney World. It could be strep, or anything. I didn't want to tell you this, but your symptoms kind of sound like mono.
Barby: I don't have mono.
Chris: I'm sure you don't, but just go to the doctor.
Barby: Fine. I'll call now.
(We hang up.)
Barby: Fuck, I have mono.


Who tells a hypochondriac they might have mono? That's like giving a crackhead a lighter and a pipe. So, I don't have mono, but I do have tonsilitis. Now that I have proper drugs to kill the itis on my tonsils, I'm feeling much better, and can now properly attend to the recap. So, in a very Dwight Schrute-esque apology, I'm sorry I went to Disney World and had a great time and caught tonsilitis so that I couldn't write your precious recap.

( Shall we? )

Okay, sorry for posting this so late. Crazy busy. Since the next episode has already aired (and we have to hurry up and get to that drama), this will be a quickie recap.


Show starts. There's theme music.

Clark likes winning. And having other people tell her how good she is.

Analeigh thinks she sucks. Must be all the sucking she's been doing lately.

Girls go to a building and put on hot pink hard hats a tool belts. They wore those for about 5 minutes before they became irrelevant.

Paulina shows them how to make catalog clothes look good using empty water bottles and paper clips and crap. Model see, model do.

McKey wins for clipping her pants to her skinny-ass legs.

Marjorie didn't get a gold star, so she freaked out while wringing her hands involuntarily. She said it's because she's French. Paulina was like, "Girl, I know just what you mean. You French are messed up."

At the house, the girls confront Marjorie about her freaking out.

Marjorie freaks out. There is a lot of twitching involved.

There's a photo shoot. The girls each represent a different LA disaster. Mostly.

Photos:


Analeigh, Windstorms: One has to wonder where an 800 foot woman would plug in her hairdryer. It's a good photo. Hey, everyone gets it right once in awhile.




Clark, Blackouts: A disaster? Sure, what the hell? And Clark, honey. Seriously, what the hell. She is modeling her ankles like it's 1910, and she wants to be bad. Y'all know I have nothing good to say about her. Bottom two.




Elina, Earthquakes: A child throwing a tantrum.......or drunk angry house wife? You be the judge.




Joslyn, Rockslides: Um, no. This is just, um...fugly. She looks like Tyra's vision of a modelesque Godzilla, complete with kung-fu action arms. Bottom two.




Lauren Brie, Blizzards: Judges liked this photo, I did not. I thought it was utterly boring. And I thought she took better photos than this, too. That hair makes her look 45. She looks like a depressed Barbie doll.




Marjorie, Traffic Jam: Does anybody else think she looks like a crazed bowler? Did not like it as much as the judges did. Ok, but not great. Because of the crazy. And nice disaster, by the by.




McKey, Heat Waves: Gorgeous. My favorite of the week. She is impressing me a lot. Granted, it's proabably the easiest one, too. Look hot and sexy. Tough.




Samantha, Tidal Waves: I love the pose, but I think her face is kind of sleepy or something. She's not focusing on the face as much as she should. Two things at once is hard. I know. But she looks like she just looked up and went, "Hnuh?!"




Sheena, Sandstorms: Who the hell would want to live in LA after this? Picture is gorgeous. My second favorite.




Not the best group of pictures this cycle. But also one of the more idiotic photo shoots this cycle as well. Those two are often directly proportional.

Call out order:

1. Samantha
2. Analeigh
3. McKey
4. Elina
5. Marjorie
6. Lauren Brie
7. Sheena


It was Clark vs. Joslyn, and and Joslyn won, probably because of the kung-fu action arms. Or maybe because Karma caught up with Clark. Clark-ma.


As a peace offering, I offer you an updated Contest worksheet, with the eliminated girls crossed off:




I'll try to post the next recap tomorrow, because we're leaving for Disney World on Friday. But I think next week is a Cycle Recap episode, so nothing new next week.




All photos from topmodel

So Lydia and I went out for A DRINK after work, because it had been such a shiteous week, and one drink turned into several, so you get a drunk post! Hooray!

The benefit of a drunk post is that there's no filter, so whatever pours out is what you get. No proof-reading, either, so you just get to decipher what I'm trying to say.

1. People who are stumbling drunk should not be allowed to play bar games. We went to Dos Jefes, which is a great little cigar bar, but there was a group next to us on the patio trying to make a a game out of attaching these washerson strings to these hooks on the wall of the bar. Hard to explain, but that's pretty much all there is to it. They have these washers on strings on the outside of the bar, and they are attached to the awnings on the patio. They normally hang on these hooks, but people try to make it a game by swingint the washers, and trying to make them stay on the hooks. This dude literally almost hit Lydia in the head about five times before he got the hint that maybe the game was not fun for everyone in the vicinity. Particularly people that owned heads.


2. Work sucks.


3. Work really sucks.


4. Project Runway is awesome, no matter how full of shit the judges are by telling all four remaining contestants that they will all have to compete for a spot at Bryant Park.


5. Cigars smell better the more drunk you get, right up until the point that you've had too much. Then they smell like vomit wrapped in pigs' feet, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a vest. $10 for anyone who gets that reference.


6. Work still sucks.


7. Chris and I make an excellent couple.


8. I have no more points to make, but it seems like we should round out the list with an even 10.


9. I've made two whole cloud-like shapes on my cross-stitch. It will be grand. All the losers will be sufficiently jealous, to be sure.


10. I can't believe "The Office" was preempted for the stupid Vice-Presidential debate. Lame. Who wants to see Biden face off against whats-her-name from Alaska? Nobody. They should have let Hannasska debate against Biden. I would have watched then. I mean, at least she could have said what an accomplishment it was for her to even be in a VP debate, because she's from ALASKA! I mean, nobody's ever escaped from Alaska and lived totell about it, so that would have been something. Because she's from Alaska. Some small town. In Alaska.


11. Sleepy-time.

Well, once again, I have hijacked some screen caps for y'all, thanks to phoenixothon at capaholic, so hope y'all enjoy.

And sorry for not posting earlier than this. I did great on the GMAT, but I sorely underestimated my time commitments this weekend. But if you care that much about this blog, then you've got some issues anyway, cuz it ain't all that. It's really more like just the bag o' chips.


So now that I've apologized to you and insulted you in the same paragraph, um.....forgive me?




PLEASE?????? Pretty please with Alaska on top?


( Alaska's Next Top Model )

Okay, so the contest is finalized now, and no more entries/changes will be accepted. Again, I really want to thank everyone for playing. It will be good times, I promise.

So, here are all the picks. We've got 18 people playing, not counting my picks. For those who haven't played before, my picks don't count, because it would be lame to make a prize for myself. Plus, it saves my ego from getting bruised when I inevitably come in last. Click on the pictures to make them bigger.



I’ve double-checked them, and I had my husband help me, but if you see a mistake with your picks, just let me know.


Also, here’s a count of how many votes each model got for each finishing place:




And finally, here’s a count of how many votes each model got in total:




Every model that’s left in the competition has at least two votes, so every elimination from here on out should be interesting. Plus, if one of your models gets eliminated, you know that at least one other person in the contest is feeling your pain.

Well, those are enough numbers for me tonight. Too much academic stuff, and my brain won’t be able to come back down to ANTM level by show time. And yes, this is academic, or at least as academic as ANTM will ever be. Enjoy tonight’s episode, and good luck to everyone. Oh, and let the trash talking begin.

Killa, becuase you're the reigning champion, you're going down. Oh yes. Down to China Town. Beware.



p.s. I’m taking the GMAT Saturday morning, so I definitely won’t have the recap posted until Saturday afternoon, possibly Sunday. It depends on how poorly I do, and how much I feel like pouting. So, it’s in your best interest to send me good vibes, so that I can post on time. It's for your own good. Now it's study time.

Okay, I think we've probably got most of the contest entries in that we're going to get. There may be a few more stragglers out there, but not very many. We've got just under 20 players so far this cycle, so that's great! That's a good number, not too many, but enough to keep it interesting. I won't be able to post the final spreadsheet with everyone's picks until Wednesday night, though.

For those of you that still want to play, your picks have to be in no later than 12pm CDT on Wednesday, Sept. 24th. So there is still plenty of time.

And another reminder, the winner's prize will be a small trophy which will be yours to keep until the next cycle of ANTM, at which time you will have to forfeit it to the next contest champion. I will probably have you mail it back to me at the beginning of the next cycle, and I'll mail it out to the new winner at the end.

Your prize to keep for eternity will be a cross-stitched ANTM throw pillow or wall hanging, etc., with which you may adorn your home, much to the jealousy and awe of all your friends, family, and neighbors. Or you can use it to dust, whatever.

I'm taking the GMAT on Saturday, so I can't go to the craft store until then, but once I do, you better believe that I'll be taking pictures of my progress for you. I want to get started early, because we're going to Florida in a few weeks, and that will be a good car activity so I don't just bitch about how cold the freaking car is the whole way.

Now I can cross-stitch and bitch at the same time. The Stitchin' Bitch (trademarked, back away). Yeah.

So, that's about. Thanks to everyone who's playing. It will be good modelly fun for all. If you haven't, get your picks in soon, and watch the new episode Wednesday. I think two girls are going home, so, we'll see how it affects all your picks. Mwa hahaha.

More than any other episode, I love the makeover episode each cycle. You have your hair drama, you get two photos of the girls, and of course, you get a double dose of crazy from Tyra and the gang.

Just don't eat the fruit.

( Don't take food from strangers )